halo.
hitam lagi, sepi lagi, anginnya menderai lagi, dinginnya hinggap lagi, dan dia sendiri lagi. mau bagaimanakah? bebal dia, bak tuli dia tak mau mendengar, bak buta dia tak mau melihat, bak batu dia takut merasa. harus apakah? takut dia memang; bagai pasir yang takut ombak; bagai bunga yang takut lebah. sesalnya melenggang lagi; menari, sendirian, menyedihkan, bukan? bagaimanakah? bebal dia.
and yes i can't stand this. having to live with people who don't even notice me even one bit, having to deal with life that doesn't even bother to think about how clumsy i am at surviving. i do feel hurt, and i'm sad sometimes. insecurities aren't waning at all, and it's killing me slowly inside. why do i sometimes heavily need someone to constantly tell me that i do okay, that i too have something i can be proud of, that i'm not just a waste of space. why am i so weak that mere words graze me this much, why can't i be a little bit stronger, like other women out there?
why can't i even deal with myself?
i should change. but that isn't even easy now is it?
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