"a mighty oak was once a nut that stood its ground"

That rock hard feeling in your chest, that urge to just wish you could disappear. You still have a roof on top of your head, some friends you can still laugh with, and yet this world can still feel like too cold a place to breathe in.

You're trapped inside an endless loop that is your train of thoughts. It's frustrating, it's too complicated. People tell you to sleep it away, and yet when you wake up, you re-live the same old yesterday.

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Getting back up on your feet is probably not as grandiose as protagonists in Anime make it out to be.

Sometimes, it's as simple as stumbling upon an instagram post from someone you admire. And somehow feel the pull to take a bath, and pray, and recite quran, and do some skincare rituals before opening your laptop to write about your feelings.

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"Yet when I thought Dreams are only *for* the strong-willed, for the strong-hearted… I guess I was wrong?: Dreams, by all means, are exactly *why* we remain strong."

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There's a warrior inside of us. In each and everyone of us.

Oftentimes I tend to play the victim. This harsh, harsh world is too harsh for me, a person with (self-diagnosed (I will go to a professional I promise)) Anxiety Disorder to live in. My childhood was tough, I often say to myself, my parents weren't there for me during my traumatic experiences, I felt too alone. It would be hard for me to succeed, I say to myself.

This endless loop inside my head circles around the idea of me being the victim of this unfair world.

But from now on, let's just learn to accept that the past is in the past.

And I, by no means, am a victim.

I'm a warrior and I will remain strong.

And I don't care how much I lack, I can always learn to be better, by practice.

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After I finished reciting the Quran, I opened a book titled "Prayes of the Pious", it's a compilation of duas made by the shahabas/pious moslems. I opened a page to this dua. And I just can't believe how everything just lines up, and that Allah never leaves me alone.

“You have shown us Your power, so show us Your forgiveness.”

And it just reminds me how Allah has every power to put me in my place, to raise me up again, through whichever means He pleases. He has shown me His power, how He's able to get me down, to help me realize that this victim mentality doesn't do me any good. 

So now help me. Help me embrace and radiate that warrior inside of me. And forgive me, pardon me... for playing the victim, for being self-centered and egotistical. Help me embrace the warrior side of me, the strong one who will get through anything to reach her dreams.