the dreaded future

i had a nightmare last night: i went to work, i did nothing for 8 hours, and by the end of the day, i got to see how everyone had gotten ahead of me, while i still... had no clue of what i was doing.

i woke up feeling scared, realizing that i don't want to die out before i have to die out. realizing that being stagnant is worse than ever.

.

i have the will, but i doubt that it will be enough for me to go on. should i go to a therapist? sometimes, i just feel so irrationally scared of showing up, of meeting new people. for months i've been praying to God to make it easy for me to show up in my work... it's still hard, though.

i feel like i have this social anxiety disorder that really hinders my work performance, that i owe a treatment for.