brainwash

it's so easy to get caught up in a value that isn't stemmed in reality when you're lost. when you don't know where to go, and you're fed up with it, you ask other people for help and guidance. sadly tho, sometimes we're so clueless that we don't even know from whom we should ask for help.

sometimes, we ask for help from a person that initially we think as very dependable, but on the inside he's as hollow as we are, he's blabbering nonsense. but that kind of person can have this certain level of eloquence that somehow makes his words believable.

if you're lost, your mental state is essentially a dry sponge: it's easy for you to absorb as much information as you can. unfortunately, you don't have the capability to filter out information that won't lead you to a place you're supposed to be at.

and that's when you're gonna be lost even further.

there exists, in this world, a lot of people who are willing to share some knowledge that they know is not going to bring a greater good to this world. and i forgive them, though i really hate what they're doing.

someone told me that i should not mind my materialistic aspiration or prediction for the future. i had dreams i wanted to achieve, and they told me to let it go or i'd get ill, for everything i wanted was already right in front of me. "live in the now," they said. but that is proven to be really detrimental for my mental health. it is wrong, very much wrong.

there's really nothing wrong in wanting to achieve a materialistic success to some extent, as long as you keep being mindful in the process. achieving your dream to be an astronaut or a teacher or a writer is okay, getting caught up in your goal to some extent is okay. though in the process you should know that no matter what you are still you, a person with worth, and you are enough, and you've had enough, and you've done enough.

yes peace is in every step. but it doesn't negate the fact that i do have dreams for my future reality as well. rejecting your aspiration and your dream of the future is really dangerous. it robs you from your passion, it even robs you from peace itself.

so i'm gonna chase my future, while being mindful of the present, and taking my lessons from the past. and my foundation is always gonna be this: i am worthy, i am enough, i've had enough lessons to go to the arena, i've done enough because i dare greatly in this moment.

i'm here to reestablish myself from some wrong beliefs that i had internalized for quite some time. letting go is gonna be really hard, going back and forth is to be expected. but luckily i have a lot of resources for me to learn more critically. besides, i have something i want to reach. i have a dream, and i am willing to do my very, very best to achieve it.