now that i have gone through pretty much my lowest point, a point where i thought life couldn't get any better, now i understand that in retrospect, life is so much bigger than a heartbreak, or an academic disappointment, or someone putting you down.
i mean no matter how much struggle you've gone through, no matter how much effort you put to make your life better, no matter how tired you are, no matter what circumstances you're in,
life will fall into place, somehow.
.
anxiety about the future, fearing what's to come, is all too familiar.
it's weird.
there's a line in this song that i can resonate a little too much, "Hey, I know it's hard, it's hard to find the peace in opportunities. Let it all fall into place."
and i think it describes my current situation.
that fear doesn't only come when you're down, it can also come when you're in the process of climbing your ladder of success (sorry for that corny idiom). i'm scared of height. i'm scared, what if they trip me, what if i fall down, what if?
fear of what's to come, will follow despite your outer circumstances. right?
well.
a tricky territory, indecisiveness, insecurity, all bundled into one.
.
i will never know where fate will bring me.
somehow, there's a possibility where i will be financially struggling, or financially well off.
somehow, there's a possibility where i won't ever reach my dreams, or maybe i will.
somehow, there's also a possibility where i will end up alone and do my own thing, or maybe i will have a family of my own.
thinking about what i've done so far in my life, there was no way i would've thought i would end up where i am right now. my life trajectory is just that unexpected, at least for me.
this leads me to believe that letting go of control, that surrendering, is an art we need to practice everyday.
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