damn, should i?

i've been contemplating, should i write everything about my life here? i don't know if it's a good idea. it could be either therapeutic or triggering, there's no in between. 

basically i've had my fair share of body complex issues, social awkwardness (sometimes withdrawal) since i was just a child. also cue that one traumatic event in my life that brought me even further to that dark pit of "nobody will ever like, let me just be invisible." my preteen slash teenage years was also full of me feeling like shit because my parents always compared me to my brother, i didn't feel cared for. i didn't have a place both in my own home and in society.

then i tried to change. i know that half of my miserable perspectives about life was stemmed from my own internalized misconceptions, or even victim mindset. so i tried to change my reality both from within and from the outside. yet after years of trying this and that, being a fool, and getting a "loving" beating from life essentially... i didn't know if it was worth it.

and yet, once i mended my relationship with my family, everything began to fall into place. began is a key word here, but it's still a pretty significant milestone.

i didn't know that it was always supposed to be this way.

once i started to feel love (and loved), i began to see myself not as a warrior that had to conquer the evil world, but as a soul that just had to be a genuinely good... soul. and how wholesome is it?

i just hope that my genuine approach to life will bring me somewhere. i truly hope that this world is not as corrupt as my pessimistic side of self makes it out to be, so that i don't have to be manipulative or a kiss as just have a place somewhere in society.