what i fear the most is true isolation: being alone in the world with no one to genuinely support you.
yet the thought of settling down also terrifies me to death. what if the one i settle down with doesn't live their life with the same vision as me? what if i'm gonna stuck with someone i hate for bringing me down, for not letting me live the life i want to live?
it's like i want to settle down in the country, but i'm scared shitless that it's only gonna bore me. it's like i want to go to the city and go far, but i'm scared shitless of the loneliness it will inevitably bring me.
it's like i want two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time. i don't want to tie the knot, but i want a deep and committed relationship with someone. i want to be able to bail out, but i want it to be real.
so probably i'm gonna fly back and forth for the rest of my days.
but does anyone want to fly with me?
or should i settle down,
and see how it goes?
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