new year, new me

well, it's 2026. we have come so far.

umurku tahun ini 29 tahun. a little closer to my third decade on earth. and honestly? oh God...

girl, I'M THRIVING.

holy shit!! HOLY?? SHIT?!

okay so where should we start!!!

I'm gonna yap my mouth off so please grab your popcorn, because you just gotta have to listen!! (i'm talking to my future self who's probably going to read this and smile)

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Bulan November kemarin, I became a manager. Sesuatu yang gw udah kayak inginkan dari beberapa tahun semenjak mulai karir. I thought gw akan di tahap ini masih 5 tahun lagi, I didn't rush, I was just doing my part, like wholeheartedly, but I didn't expect. Turns out, I got that title way sooner than I anticipated. Alhamdulillah.

Kenapa juga gw mikir 5 tahun lagi baru dapet ya? Mungkinkah gw emang seeee-underestimating itu ke diri sendiri? Segitunya kah? Well, gak tau juga sih. That's some food for thought that we'll get back to.

Still about career, gw udah PMP certified! Wow. I'm a 28 year old PMP certification holder. Is that an achievement? It is! Alhamdulillah. Let's not act stupid, you know you're smart. You are. You're just underestimating yourself, and that's why people are underestimating you, god dammit! 

Next one, girl you're healing. You. Are. Healing. You are scared of commitment, you are scared of relationship. Well you are still now, but now you have the discernment and the clarity about your attachment issues. Girl, you're moving on from a certain someone who used to take up way too much of your time. He's not the right guy for you, and you know it, and now you understand that the attachment is situational and that's it. Are you on your way to your future husband now that you have healed? :)

Because damn I'd love to meet him. Can I please? :)

I can crochet, and I can embroider. I'm still journaling a lot. And I would love to create content, maybe on journaling or smth. Just. For. Fun. Strictly just for fun! Well if I make money along the way, that's a bonus for sure. But I'm happy to just share!

I can travel now. I'm planning umroh soon, I'm going to Japan soon maybe, or Vietnam. I'd love to go there. This year, my passport is gonna be BOOKED! But I'm happy :) I am happy.

I just have a hard time receiving. That's why I'm talking about it now because girl it's hard to receive.

There's no merit in discomfort and I know it. I got manager salary, I got hobbies going on, I'm moving on from a past situation, I got opportunities to travel and umroh. And yet I still feel so much heaviness in my heart. I still feel scared about the future.

Like what if? What if I can't live up to that responsibility?

But no. No what if. I don't need that.

I can just happily receive. Gladly receive. Humbly receive. I'm not entitled. I'm not claiming what's not mine. I'm just humbly receiving my blessing. Because Allah is kind, because Allah wants to see me being comfortable, because Allah is rewarding my hard work.

How is that so hard to understand, girl?

If you're future me reading, please tell me you get it even better than I have now and you can receive everything! Because God forbid I reject my blessings. Oh, please don't self sabotage.

Ya Allah, give me the ability to humbly receive the blessings that you have given me. Aamiin.