peripheral

Sometimes I would just go about my day, forgetting my vision almost completely. At night, I often find myself drown in this endless pit of entertainment and 1 minute videos that at the end of the day I'm just stuck in this state of... forgetting how to live. It happens a lot.

I associate living with being mindful--of time, of surroundings, of body, of mind, of soul. Well, that's a lot to process, I mean, what does that even mean? LOL. But still, it only makes sense: Eyes glued to the screen, consuming contents of people dancing to some trendy music--how is that even living?

Loving yourself comes in various ways. Being mindful and aware of your every second is one of them, consuming contents you don't even want to see in the first place isn't.

After all I'm a person who's (supposed to be) very much alive, not a zombie.

There's still a lot that I would like to do, to achieve. And achievement needs dedication.

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I'm almost 25 now (WOO!) and I guess this is probably the first time in a few years where I feel kind of almost excited for my birthday. I'm getting older, but I don't feel the dread or the anxiety that comes from getting older, at least not much of it. I feel it still, but not as much as the excitement of finding out what I can do as a 25 year old.

Thinking back, I've experienced being constraint, letting go, feeling free & trying new things + mindsets, making mistakes, falling down, picking up my pieces, trying again with hard learned lessons, getting back up. I'm still learning, I'm still in the process of getting back up, but who knows, what's gonna happen in the next couple of years? After getting back up, am I gonna stand a little higher, or hopefully, a lot higher?

Nobody knows the future. But I don't feel like I've hit my plateau yet, not even close. I have a lot to see, to learn. And I just feel so excited to see where everything will lead.

So, in less than a month, I'm gonna turn 25.

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We'll see, will you bloom later?