Eyy&Est

oh god stupid me.

but no matter what i wanna do, i can't take down this so-called defense mechanism. it's a wall i can't even get through, and it's just stupid. thinking about this makes me realize that i'm so weak.

inferiority complex, eh?

i think i've got one too.

i still remember what you said. "lu terlalu gengsi, ris."

little did you know what this gengsi is all about.

i don't wanna be a little kid who seek acceptance for what i did no more. i want to change. i know myself more than you do, and i wanna change. you want me to change.

but it's not that easy when you've been trapped in it for years?

reckon i even hurt some people along the way.

you might say i'm emo, like a teenager going through puberty. but it's frustrating for me too. i desperately wanna do something to make it better, but really, i don't know how to start. by facing it head on? damn if something goes wrong i'm literally gonna bury myself alive.

believe me, it's not just you who thinks i need to change. i do too. but i don't know how, and frankly as weak as it may sound, i really do need support. still, how can i get that?

what is the root problem of this all? can i blame somebody else for this?