n a h a

i have so much things inside my head that sometimes focusing on reality can become a little bit too hard. i'm not good enough. 

i've always been a grey, and not black nor white. i've never been something vivid. going around here and there, but then again, just never there.

i am ugly. i just want to be healthy. i just want to be normal, like everyone else. i just want this to be gone, this thing that constantly makes my skin aches.

i just want to be accepted. can i be a little more like my brother? that perfect figure that i just adore (aka envy) so much. i just want my parents to see me as something more than just a failure, i want to be more. i want my parents to realize that i am their child too. i just want to be my brother. why can't i be him?

so please forgive me if i unconsciously crossing the road carelessly, or just don't respond fast enough to your talking, or forget to actually do things you ask me to, or just don't really focus on what you're saying. for i've got those many things inside my head.