This menye menye stuffs should get away

Well, to put it in a word or two, i'm still a girl. And quite frankly, isn't it a girl's nature, or maybe in a sense, every living thing's nature, to 'feel' something towards your opposite gender? To be attracted and have countless sleepless nights because of them? To feel butterflies in your stomach every now and then, and lastly, feel ambience in their presence?

Is there someone you're thinking of right now?

Well right in this exact second, my mind is floating around that one guy. That guy who's so comfortable to be around, that guy who can be so selfless but selfish at the same time, he who laughs a lot and teases a lot, the beloved one in real life but can be a dick on social media, that childish little kid, and that maturity that hides behind all that. Yes, i'm thinking about you.

You and i are quite the same. The same but completely different as well in a sense. You feel so close to me, closer than my own veins, but somehow at the same time drifting further and further away, almost to the place can i can't reach you. Why are you such a paradox?

Right when i feel right, when i feel complete around you, you go find another joy in another place. And right at this moment, i'll just say that you're that main antagonist and christina perry's song jar of heart.

Why is this so confusing to me?

Why are you playing? Are you playing?

But still. The ambience is real.

The comfort is real.

So every now and then i try to convince myself that, no, you don't see him as a lover whatsoever. He's just like everybody else, a close friend and nothing more. You can't have feelings for him, not at all. Nothing works, he's just playing, it's going nowhere. It's just an illusion, the comfort must come from the realization that you can depend on him as a guy best friend. So that's it. And that is it. I drew the line.

Now i'm cool about everything. I don't care anymore about this feeling whatsoever. I can overlook it and find another joy in another place like what you always do.

Everything often works well. Everything just works well until he smiles.

This is so crazy. I didn't know that a smile like that could make me fall head over heels? Could make me so dizzy and confused and went batshit? I mean, it's just a curve.

Let me tell you;

when he smiles, i need 12 hour extra of turning and tossing on my bed, kicking the air vigurously, pulling my hair, and listening to love songs, and thousands of tumblr quotes.

90% of the time, he's just a friend. The other 10% is when he smiles.

I don't even know. Should he find out about his, i'd be doomed.